I'm sorry Ma

Mother,

I know you don't want me to have a boyfriend, let alone be intimate with someone who doesn't even love me. I know you don't want me to date anyone. I know you just want me to hold out till I get married, to some nice rich educated boy. From our caste. But I have to live my life the way I want to Ma. I also don't want to hurt you Ma. That is the reason I lie that I have to work, when I have to meet him. And I don't want you to believe in that horoscope. I do not want to get married within the next year to someone I'm not in love with. I may fall in love with him. But that's not for sure, is it? He may not be like me. He may not understand me. My past. What if he's like the people in your generation? Will I have to lie to him too? I will not cheat on him. But will I have to lie about male friends? About my old boyfriends? Its all too difficult Mother. I want a chance to fall in love with a person, to want to and to want him to want to marry me. Is that too much to ask?

I'm sorry Ma, I'm stuck between the world at home and the world outside.

I love you.